I was friendzoned by a girl I like; what do I do now?
I am so glad Scarleteen exists to give young people fabulous advice. I have a feeling that a lot of adults should read it, too…
“We can hopefully help you a little in dealing with your hurt feelings and how you want to move on in your friendship with her. But what we can’t do, and wouldn’t want to do even if we could, is make her change her mind. I strongly encourage you not to approach this situation with that kind of mindset, but to respect your friend’s decision and her feelings, even though neither are what you’d hoped for.”
Kill the Press Release: Pitching Media in a New Media World
The press release was born in 1906, before the internet, mobile phones or television. In 2013, most PR professionals blast their media database with a one-size-fits-all message. As we gear up for Netroots Nation 2013, we’re taking a closer look at some of the convention’s hottest training sessions.
How to win at the internet and be an efficient and effective grassroots organizer.
I got this really neat recognition last month. So, at the risk of looking a little boasty, I wanted to share it with you. Please click the photo if you wish to learn more about the award and how I received it!
Should you continue through to the link, you will (probably not be surprised to) find that the volunteer work I do is related to reproductive health, gender equality, and freedom/access for all (which shouldn’t be controversial or radical or complicated, but for some reason it can be). I’m glad that the University of Rochester gave a nod to the important and complicated issues that the organizations whom I love are tackling. I am also feeling honored and blessed to be a part of these important groups and to have such a thoughtful manager to nominate me for this.
The NY Women’s Equality Agenda is a policy initiative that NYS Governor Andrew Cuomo announced early in 2013. NY Women’s Equality just unveiled this new video. I invite you to watch the video, read my response below, and share your own response.
Let me be clear before diving in: I completely support the points set forth by the Women’s Equality Agenda. However, we need to make sure that if we are going to push such important policies we do it the right way the first time. In a sense, I am stressing and advocating for *gender justice*.
Don’t know about the Women’s Equality Agenda? Here’s a quick description via NY Women’s Equality Facebook:
The New York Women’s Equality Coalition is comprised of hundreds of labor groups, business associations, civil rights organizations, medical associations, and religious groups united in vigorous support of Governor Cuomo’s Women’s Equality Agenda.
New york has long served as a model for equality and fairness on several issues including women’s rights. This year at his state of the state Governor Cuomo announced plans to advance a 10-point Women’s Equality Agenda that will break down barriers that perpetuate discrimination and inequality based on gender.
The video is alienating and offensive to me, not only as a self-identified woman but also as someone who knows that gender and gendered nuance — hundreds of years of patriarchy and systemic oppression against anything not white, male, and acceptably masculine at the historical moment — cannot be expressed by playing with the tone of someone’s voice. The video is glaringly transphobic for similar reasons, reasons that should be obvious to anyone interested in putting an end to the violence and discrimination against trans* and gender nonconforming individuals.
It relies on hurtful and limiting assumptions about human gender expression and identity. The dubbed “male” voice-overs completely ruin a video that, unedited like that, would have been alright. Additionally, I would imagine that the male voice-overs are incredibly alienating to men — they pit women against men by adding an odd emotional and accusatory element that diminish the power of the statistics. This is not how we get legislation passed in a government of predominately male representatives.
The video is embarrassing. It is offensive. It is a lazy and oversimplified effort to express what is supposed to be a helpful policy agenda for women. It is unfortunate that this video undermines the real message. My women’s equality agenda, the one in my head and heart, is one that not only encompasses cis women’s struggles (which are real, they are here, and they do seem completely hopeless at times) but one that also acknowledges and recognizes the struggle of trans and gender non-conforming individuals (as well as the different struggles between women of color, poor women, and immigrant women); individuals that feel the oppression and discrimination expressed in the 10-point plan even more deeply, the oppression and discrimination that Gov. Cuomo is trying to eliminate. My equality agenda understands that oppression and discrimination come from a hatred of things that do not fit in boxes, are not the masculine norm, or stem from ableism, classism, racism, etc.
When it comes to politics it is easy to take the simple way. A Women’s Equality Agenda that communicates like it did in this video, just like the rhetoric used in the “War Against Women” we saw last summer and during the elections, plays into the oversimplified way that culture wars happen in our country. It makes me feel like we are running on a hamster wheel. I hope that NY State Women’s Equality Agenda and Gov. Cuomo consider how these potentially liberating and transformative policies can also be limiting and hurtful if used and communicated in the wrong ways. Additionally, I pledge my support to the NY State Women’s Equality Agenda in hopes that it continues to transform and grow in its approach.
Let’s push for *gender* equality (for women, for trans* individuals, for gender nonconforming individuals) and equality for ALL individuals (people of color, people living in poverty, immigrants, individuals with disabilities, etc.).
Upon closing your eyes you can find it.
You can see the truth of someone as soon as you meet them. What gets in the way of truth is all the other parts of being human. It’s the brain. It’s noise. The layers that came earlier and continue to multiply and grow outward until they fold in upon the others. I think you can know the truth of someone as soon as you meet them. What came before someone, what lies above, what exists within those layers gets in the way. I think that most of the time we are not conscious and clear enough to be ready for it. We are distracted and not open to it; we are not honest and ready for it in ways that we don’t understand or can’t even prepare for. The struggle is to be present and mindful without pushing.
I sat on my porch tonight after midnight and felt the air caress my face, and truth came. The answer was always there.
G R I M E S: I don't want to have to compromise my morals in order to make a living
i dont want my words to be taken out of context
i dont want to be infantilized because i refuse to be sexualized
i dont want to be molested at shows or on the street by people who perceive me as an object that exists for their personal satisfaction
i dont want to live in a world where…
Grimes is awesome and what she says is, too.
WORD: This Bridge Called My Back
Click and receive thy life.
Oh, addendum:
My friend Scott raises a good point: don’t punish bands and venues unfortunate to be related to El Ten Eleven. If you want to see the other bands please go support them and choose to leave the room when El Ten Eleven plays.
